That Widow

Today, day 9, was preschool open house for boys 3 and 4. It was also the night that I saw 2 of the women that my husband had an affair with. One of them being the one I banned from his viewing and funeral. It should never have been this way and I know he was apologizing, as he was in his last days for all of the things he did to me, but it still hurts. It hurts that they ever had that piece of him. It hurts that they took something from me. It hurts that my memories will forever be tarnished.

Today I picked up our oldest son’s birthday cake. Tomorrow is his birthday and it will be the first major thing without his Ga and I am heartbroken for him. A whole decade old but the first of many birthdays without his dad.

I was asked today how I’m handling everything and I said I’m taking it minute by minute and while all of the minutes are hard some of them are harder than others. Over time I know I’ll be able to live in 5 minute or 10 minute increments and then an hour and hours and then days. It’s just going to take time. I don’t know how much time but time seems to be what I have so we’ll just keep going.