That Widow

Day 16 was the first day of school for 3 of the 4 going this year and I just smiled through the tears.

A mom walked up to me and asked if I was eating because I was looking real thin. I’m like yep, I’m also still breastfeeding, and chasing my 6 children alone now. I also have been working out for months as a way to help give myself some much needed time to just breathe and be a singular entity rather than the caregiver and mom when he was going through his cancer treatment. No one has really seen me since I had baby #6 so I’m trying not to take offense to her thinking I would become anorexic or for not assuming that I’ve been putting in the work to get my body back. It’s been 10 years since I started having babies so it’s been a while.

I paid off our vehicles today and that forced unwanted adulting was tough. I would so much rather be making payments on those vehicles for the foreseeable future than have a dead husband and having them paid off. I always told him he was worth way more to me alive then his payouts at death would ever be worth. I still feel that way.