That Widow

Day 20 this morning I heard someone say don’t be afraid of where you are to get to where you want to be.

I’ve been emotional today. I’ve missed him a lot today. I’ve wanted to text him a million times today. I’ve wanted to say “hey babe, look at this!” I wanted help with cleaning up the kitchen today. I wanted our normal bath time routine with the kids. I wanted to be able to just lay in bed because I’m not feeling the greatest. None of these things got to happen though because he’s gone and there’s just me.

When cancer first came into the picture and now that he’s gone I’ve thought about what it would be like to try and be with someone else and I don’t know if it would be fair to that other person. Filling a role that was never there’s to begin with. Knowing I’m just waiting to go back to him. I’m sure it would be a different kind of love but for today I can only imagine his love and how much I just miss him.

Day 20 and I just fucking miss him.