That Widow

Day 21, 3 weeks, 504 hours without him. Today I made it through the first procedure for boy #3 all by myself. Not a huge procedure, an ABR, but still the first without him.

The bank that holds our mortgage officially contacted me about taking the loan over in my name. The deed has us both but not the actual payment but under federal law I have the option to take on those payments, which I am blessed to be able to make. Blessed that it can be paid but in blood money, so there’s that.

I got rid of 2 huge black trash bags of clothes that don’t fit anymore. While it was good to finally get them out and to see my progress it just reminds me that he’s not here to see that progress. I know his spirit sees it but he physically doesn’t get to hug the skinnier me or experience my dedication from this side.

I also ordered my Peloton bike. I have a cheap bike off Amazon and I had been begging him for a Peloton and he kept telling me no so I told him in the hospital that if he died I was buying the fucking bike. I bought the fucking bike today. It gets delivered next week and I’m so excited!

Day 21, 3 weeks, 504 hours without him and we survived, again.