That Widow

Day 29 and I’m dreading tomorrow. But that’s tomorrow, right now it’s today.

The oldest had his first football practice and there were a group of parents that were tailgating. I was astounded. I know my husband would have been losing his shit if he was there lol

I’m finding that I’m questioning if I’m still a part of the thin blue line family seeing as he’s no longer here. Do I look silly wearing my things with his name? Do I look silly supporting his badge number? It just feels like it’s a part that’s cut off to me now because he’s gone. It still feels weird saying HE’S GONE. He’s never coming back. He is dead. He died. He left us. He left me. There is only me.

Day 29 and I find myself repeating there’s only me now.