That Widow

Day 30 and I have survived 1 month without him, 720 hours. My kids survived a month, 720 hours, without their dad. We survived, and I hate it. I hate that we have ever been put in this position to survive.

Why did I start this blog? It’s a place for me to get my thoughts and feelings out and just leave them on the post. I don’t have to retain them if they’re not serving me in a positive manner.

Why did I put his misdeeds out there? Well, why would I paint a rosey picture of the perfect couple that was always happy when we weren’t? We are human and humans are flawed. I think if anything it shows that just because someone has hurt you doesn’t mean that you have to turn your back on them or that it’s impossible to still be in love with them. He hurt me deeply, multiple times, but NOTHING has ever hurt more than watching him struggle for over a year with cancer and then struggle to die as I held his hand.

I told him I thought when he cheated those were the worst days of my life but how wrong was I because making the hospice choice and then coming home and watching him die, THOSE were the worst days of my life.

I’m hoping this blog can help others and see that there are struggles and things suck! But there’s also happy times. I hope next year I’m happier than I am now. I hope that things get easier. I hope that I can still keep this house running and everyone happy and healthy.

Day 30 and he’s been gone for a month, 720 hours, I’m still here.