That Widow

Day 34 and I’m constantly thinking about running away somewhere just to get away.

Running away sounds bad so more like a vacation but one where you just pack up and go. Guess what you can’t do with 6 kids with 4 of them in school? Just pack up and go.

I would say I’ve always been a runner until I met my husband. If something wasn’t going my way in life that was fine I’d just run to something else. If something had me down I rant the other way. I just kept running and I eventually ran into my husband’s arms and had 12.5 years there. Now I’m supposed to be an adult and parent 6 kids by myself when I don’t want to do it by myself. I don’t think anyone really wants to do it by themselves but you get the idea.

You can’t run when you have kids. You can’t just jump to the next thing. You have to be steadfast and sure. Right now I’m sure that they’re all happy, healthy, and taken care of. Beyond that I have zero clue. Other than the fact that I can’t run. What a time to be forced to not only lose my husband but to also have to confront deep rooted personality flaws.

Day 34 and I know I have to be steadfast.