That Widow

Day 36 and I got the video from his service. It’s beautiful, breathtaking, amazing, and heartbreaking.

Those days and time leading up to it were such a blur or activity. Just trying to keep everything and everyone together but also trying to wrap my head around him being gone. Making sure my kids were ok was, and is, my top priority. Everything else was just noise to me.

He never wanted a funeral and I was like well you’re not going to be there and you have to have one for the kids. They’ll be there. They’ll need to see the pictures and things later. Funerals aren’t for the dead, they’re for the people left behind that have to go through the grieving process because death sucks.

The oldest is sick and he was laying in my bed and the youngest 2 were doing something and I called him his dad’s name unintentionally to get him to look at what they were doing. I felt bad. It was an honest mistake but the look on his face made me feel like crap.

Day 36 and time is still a bitch; good or bad depending on the eye of the beholder.