That Widow

Day 51 and welcome to my Ted talk on trauma and being the best friend I can be.

My best friend got divorced last week and her ex husband is on vacation this week with a new girl and they’re wearing wedding bands. She’s crushed and automatically starts on the “what is wrong with me” “why am I not good enough” all of the things we’ve all said to ourselves. Hell, I’ve said them here. I stopped her though, just as I’m trying to stop myself. We need to change that narrative, WE are not the problem. I’m sure we could all be better or do things differently but we can’t go back. The thing I’m realizing though is that everyone has their own trauma, everyone has their own hard, everyone is struggling, everyone is searching for something. Whether we address these things or really try to fix them is the difference between being a shitty human and being a decent human.

I apologize to my husband, in the closet lol, for not being better for him and to him but I can’t take those things back. I acknowledge this, daily, and I realize that if I were to be with someone else I would have the opportunity to be different. That’s some hard truths but I acknowledged it. Most people don’t. Her ex husband isn’t. But what I tried to explain is that’s the difference; he’s searching for something but he’s not stopping to think about what he’s searching for. My husband did the same thing until he was dying and then realized I was what he had been searching for the whole time and refused to acknowledge. What a shitty time to realize you love someone, am I right?!

She needs to do the same, stop and really think about what she’s searching for. She was like “I never thought about it that way before”. Well when your husband dies and you have 6 boys to raise alone you think about a lot of things. It also helps I have a Ph.D. in psychology lol

The text I sent her though at the very start of our conversation is something I wish someone would have said to me and that was “I’m sorry. There is literally nothing I can say to make this better for you or to make it hurt any less for you but I can tell you that I am here and I love you”.

Day 51 and acknowledging the hard truths doesn’t get easier but is necessary for growth.