That Widow

Day 55 and it’s been 8 weeks, 56 days, 1344 hours without him.

It hasn’t gotten easier. I keep repeating that it has to get easier it has to…so far it hasn’t. It’s not hard taking care of the boys, mentally exhausting? Yes, but not hard. It’s hard being without him. It’s hard knowing that he’s never coming back. It’s hard not being able to text him or hear his voice. That shit is hard.

People think it’s hard taking care of my kids and they keep asking how they can help and I’m like I’m good. This is the part of life I signed up for. I signed up for the kids, and having a lot of them, what I didn’t sign up for was a dead husband. Also, where was all of this concern when he was going through treatments? Where was this concern when I was only able to spend an hour at most with him when he was in the hospital after surgeries? Where was this concern when he was fucking alive? As bitchy as it sounds, take your guilt and shove it. I don’t have time for it nor do I want it. I’d much rather be left alone than hounded by people.

Day 55 and it’s been 8 weeks of being constantly hounded and missing the fuck out of him.