That Widow

Day 64 and I wish every decision wasn’t such an internal battle.

The new van has arrived and the dealership is ready for me to come look at it and get a price for my current van. I am having this new van custom to what I want. It has everything I want. I am picking and choosing. I am still crying because I don’t want to give away my current van because it’s a piece of him. It’s what picked him up from every chemo treatment, every hospital stay, every doctor appointment. It has his head grease spot on the headrest lol I can still see him leaning on the door and resting his head on his fist while he either talks to me or sleeps.

I know these are just things and I am the keeper of the memories not the things but it honestly feels like I am giving away another piece of him. I also know it probably doesn’t make sense to most but to those who get it, it sucks, and to those who don’t, I hope you never do.

Day 64 and Pat Benatar said it best “Love is a battlefield” or at least getting new stuff is.