That Widow

Day 69 and it’s been 10 weeks, 70 days, 1680 hours since he’s been gone.

I’ve been thinking about our marriage a lot lately. Our whole relationship really. There were obvious bad parts, obvious struggles. Some I’ve explained here and how they changed who I am as a person. Will I ever be quick to trust again? No, but is that really a bad thing? Also, no. We weren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I couldn’t even fake that on Instagram or Facebook if I wanted to. As hard of times as we experienced together I think we got it right and perfect at the end, at least I think we did.

We got to share his last days together knowing it was going to be the end, apologizing for the wrongs, and really feeling and knowing what true love was. While the ending was anything but perfect we got to love each other the way it should have been the entire time. I still apologize for things I could have done differently and I still wish I could have absorbed more of those last days but we can’t go back. I’m thankful we had what we did and we could leave everything else behind and just be us.

Day 69 and thinking of his last times he got to say I love you to me.