That Widow

Day 104 and it’s a shrine

Have you ever looked at your surroundings where you live and really thought about how it’s a shrine to your life? As I’m jogging in place I’m looking at all of the pictures, degrees, memorabilia, extended family photos, and I’m just thinking how this is a shrine. We put these things on our walls or shelves to remind us of the memories but now that he’s gone it’s like a shrine or time capsule. Everything is where it was when he died but he’s never going to be here to look at it again.

I stare at these pictures and I wonder when the cancer started growing? When did his body decide that it would be a host to a cancer party? When did he feel the first symptoms but just dismiss them? When did he know that he wasn’t going to fight it? When did he know he was going to walk away? These are questions that will never be answered but still ones that I ask when I’m looking at him just asking why?

Day 104 and no reason would ever be good enough.