That Widow

Day 126 and it was a tough day and night.

The funeral home had a gathering for the family members of the loved ones they served this year and so I went. It was very nice but also a reminder that it shouldn’t be this way. As I walked in, I had the baby baby with me, and the eyes of all of the older people in the room turn to look at us. I know, I’m That Widow. You know, the 35 year old with 6 boys to take care of and a husband who died way too soon. Still not easy to have all eyes on me when I go somewhere local.

Then I took the boys to drive thru Christmas lights that him and I normally take them to. It took a few deep breaths and a pep talk of “I can do this” before I could force myself to pull out of our driveway. One of his favorite movies was Christmas Vacation and as we were going through one of the songs from that movie came on and that caused some tears but overall it was a success. We have a few more places to visit for drive thru lights this week but this one was ripping the bandaid off and man did it hurt.

Day 126 and snow makes me happy.