That Widow

Day 134 and taking deep breaths.

I don’t understand how others around me can just ignore that he died. I don’t understand how they expect myself and my kids to just move on and continue like it never happened or that it happened awhile ago. Even if it did happen years ago that doesn’t take away the fact that it happened. Just totally glossing over the facts. Being annoyed that we’re not going to their Christmas gatherings because we don’t want to. Complaining because we need to move on. Continuously asking the kids if they want to go even though they keep saying no. Even when I back the kids up and say no, we’re not going anywhere and they respond that they trump Momma. Not in this house because Momma is the only one and I am the parent that is respecting my children and their needs. Fuck you for trying to belittle my children and really fuck you for saying that you can go over my decisions for my children. Again, boundaries, people.

While I don’t understand I don’t ever want to understand either. Why would I want to treat another person who is suffering enough in this way? That would say more about my character than theirs. I’m trying to take deep breaths and go through my grief while also loving shitty people for where they are but also knowing that I don’t have to lower myself to their shitty level. It doesn’t serve me, or my mental health, to be as shitty as them. I’m just going to continue to move forward with my children in the ways that we are comfortable with and the rest can fuck off.

Day 134 and my kids are the only people who matter.