That Widow

Day 149 and it’s the picture before and after.

I was looking for a screenshot on my phone if the workout challenge I’m in for the month so I’m scrolling through and after I found what I needed and moved on, it hit me. There are so many pictures of me with my boys. Never would this have happened before my husband died. I do picture collages of each year for the boys and they hang on the wall. It is always a struggle to find even ONE picture of me with the boys and it is typically our Christmas picture where we’re all together. Otherwise all of the pictures of just the boys together or the boys with their dad. It was nice to see but at the same time a reminder, he’s gone and not coming back.

You would think that I would be used to that understanding but I’m still just not. I know rationally it to be true but the head and heart are two different beasts and one can’t always conquer the other. Daily I know he’s not showing up at 4:09pm after working but then it’s the little things that take me by surprise, like the pictures.

Day 149 and I don’t know if I don’t want to continue to be surprised.