Category: Uncategorized
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Day 50
Day 50 and I’m starting to lose the zell for life around me. I’m not looking forward to anything really. I’m not looking forward to the holidays or birthdays, definitely not anniversaries, just nothing. My mother-in-law said yesterday that had I died there would be no way her son could do what I am doing…
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Day 49
Day 49 and I wished for my youngest to never grow up so he didn’t have to understand that his dad was gone. I’m both blessed and cursed that only my oldest truly knows what it means that his dad died. Eventually they’ll all know and it will be like a new trauma for them.…
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Day 48
Day 48 and it’s been 1,176 hours without you, without my partner, without the father to my babies. Today it feels like you’ve been gone forever but I’m still stuck in the same grief. I look at our kids and what they’re doing and I’m so sad that he’s missing everything. I know he’s still…
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Day 47
Day 47 and it was full of football. All 3 older boys played at the same time…again. That makes at least 4 out of the 5 games they will do that. Ugh! So hard when it’s just me and he can’t be at one while I’m at the other and then switch. We just make…
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Day 46
Day 46 and 4 out of the 6 kids have colds. I knew it was coming last night when they started with the interrupted sleep patterns and then they didn’t get out of bed u til late. I knew it was coming I just didn’t want it to. I got his thumbprint necklace that I…
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Day 45
Day 45 and I finally decided to get the new flooring done. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal to some to get new flooring done but in our house it’s a HUGE deal. My husband is a penny pincher, OCD, spreadsheet loving, needs to think on it for at least 5 years…
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Day 43
Day 43 and I’m back to clearing out my stuff. Seriously 20 pairs of jeans this round of all different sizes that I’m posting to get rid of. So much stuff. It doesn’t fit so instead of keeping it I’m getting rid of it. I donated 5 huge bags of clothes last week and I’m…
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Day 42
Day 42 and I just want to lay in our closet and not get up. I finally put away his clothes that had been sitting in the chair by our closet. I had folded them and brought them up to our room but I refused to put them away for him. I intentionally did it…
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Day 41
Day 41 it’s been 6 weeks, 1008 hours, that he’s been gone. It feels like a lifetime already that he’s been gone. I heard the Foo Fighters song Everlong and just the opening of “hello, I’ve waited here for you, everlong”, I imagine my husband saying this to me when we finally get together again.…
That Widow 