Tag: crying
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Day 138
Day 138 and sometimes it is crippling. There are times when this overwhelming, crippling sadness just washes over me. I’ll be watching the kids do something and I’ll smile along but then I’ll think how I wish he was here to see it. That’s when it hits me like a tidal wave that he’s gone…
That Widow
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Day 131
Day 131 and whowee she got me in the feels. One of my husband’s sisters came over with my 4 nieces and nephew to exchange Christmas gifts. The kids do a gift exchange from each other and they have so much fun picking things out and they love to see the others face when they…
That Widow
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Day 126
Day 126 and it was a tough day and night. The funeral home had a gathering for the family members of the loved ones they served this year and so I went. It was very nice but also a reminder that it shouldn’t be this way. As I walked in, I had the baby baby…
That Widow
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Day 79
Day 79 and I wonder what he thought my life would be like. As I sat on the floor eating a quick dinner and trying to read a couple of pages from a book while the boys played in the other room I questioned my husband. Clearly didn’t get an answer but it won’t stop…
That Widow
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Day 76
Day 76 and it’s been 11 weeks, 77 days, 1848 hours, 110880 minutes, 6652800 seconds since he’s been gone. Today I was trying to figure out the mortgage payments, again. The bank applied the money for a months payment to the wrong month. They did a double payment on one month so that would mean…
That Widow
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Day 44
Day 44 and I was gutted a few times today. I know it sounds like I’m just whining my way through this and I guess unless you’ve “been here” you don’t get it, and that’s the whole fucking point. I’m here, doing this, typing all of this, for me, for others, for when life fucking…
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Day 38
Day 38 and I hate celebrating anything without him here. Even a family members birthday I don’t want to record and send the usual video that I would because it would normally start out with him and I saying happy birthday and then cut to each child saying it and then I would send it.…
That Widow
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Day 33
Day 33 and it’s been a little rough. Last night was by far the hardest night I’ve had since he died. I just could not get myself together. I stood in the shower sobbing and my 2nd and 3rd son were asking if I was sad. It was just a bad night. Tonight I’m working…
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Day 32
Day 32, ahhh college football season is upon us. Just another reminder he’s gone. Typically he would be working at the university for the game and doing special duty. He loved this season. He hated last year when he wasn’t able to work because of his cancer treatments and then preparing for his big surgery.…
That Widow
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Day 28
Day 28 God laughed when he gave me 6 boys and a dead husband. Boys 2 and 3 are on the same football team and man was it a hard hour long practice tonight. I wanted to scream and cry and just beg my husband for help but none of that can happen. I have…
That Widow
That Widow 