Tag: lots of feelings
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Day 64
Day 64 and I wish every decision wasn’t such an internal battle. The new van has arrived and the dealership is ready for me to come look at it and get a price for my current van. I am having this new van custom to what I want. It has everything I want. I am…
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Day 63
Day 63 and I’m struggling with him being free and happy and me being the head of the ship being tossed around the waves. As children were taught heaven is this amazing place where everything is happy and perfect. The person who goes to heaven is made perfect, they have no worries, they’re the happiest…
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Day 60
Day 60 and he’s been gone for 2 months of forever. I noticed today that no one gives a shit that he’s been gone for 2 months. Why would anyone care? He was MY person. I chose him every day. They were given him as a son and brother but I chose him. I think…
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Day 59
Day 59 and I hate asking others to sit with my kids even if they are their grandparents. I had to ask my mother-in-law to sit with some of the boys twice this week as other had appointments and it’s just a pain. People want to “help” or always say “let me know what I…
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Day 55
Day 55 and it’s been 8 weeks, 56 days, 1344 hours without him. It hasn’t gotten easier. I keep repeating that it has to get easier it has to…so far it hasn’t. It’s not hard taking care of the boys, mentally exhausting? Yes, but not hard. It’s hard being without him. It’s hard knowing that…
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Day 50
Day 50 and I’m starting to lose the zell for life around me. I’m not looking forward to anything really. I’m not looking forward to the holidays or birthdays, definitely not anniversaries, just nothing. My mother-in-law said yesterday that had I died there would be no way her son could do what I am doing…
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Day 48
Day 48 and it’s been 1,176 hours without you, without my partner, without the father to my babies. Today it feels like you’ve been gone forever but I’m still stuck in the same grief. I look at our kids and what they’re doing and I’m so sad that he’s missing everything. I know he’s still…
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Day 39
Day 39 and I just don’t know…anything. My father-in-law is pushing me for many different things all at once like they’re no big deal. I’m sure to him they aren’t or they’re just things on a checklist to him. To me it means digging through my husband’s things or forcing myself to make decisions that…
That Widow 