That Widow

Day 57 and the baby baby is 6 months.

This is the second month that his dad hasn’t been here to celebrate another month with him. It is so crazy to me to think that their dad will NEVER be with them again, in this life, physically. I choose not to have my biological father in my life but they didn’t choose this. He, to the extent of cancer, didn’t choose it either. I still struggle with the permanence of it all.

Every day something reminds me of that permanence but it doesn’t hurt any less each time I think about it. I said the other day that I don’t think you really heal from losing a spouse or parent, you just learn to live with it. It becomes a part of you and your story. It shapes your life, for good or bad. There is nothing you can do to take it away or make it any less impactful. You just have to keep reliving it and moving forward at the same time.

Day 57 and he still gone and always will be.