Tag: hurts

• Day 33

  Day 33 and it’s been a little rough. Last night was by far the hardest night I’ve had since he died. I just could not get myself together. I stood in the shower sobbing and my 2nd and 3rd son were asking if I was sad. It was just a bad night. Tonight I’m working…

  That Widow

  September 16, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, alone, can’t breathe, crying, crying in the shower, first month, grief, hurts, just sad, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, realizations, suffering, thatwidow, time

• Day 32

  Day 32, ahhh college football season is upon us. Just another reminder he’s gone. Typically he would be working at the university for the game and doing special duty. He loved this season. He hated last year when he wasn’t able to work because of his cancer treatments and then preparing for his big surgery.…

  That Widow

  September 15, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, alone, crying, football, fuck off, grief, hurts, just sad, kids, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, pointless, same ending, suffering, thatwidow, time, why

• Day 30

  Day 30 and I have survived 1 month without him, 720 hours. My kids survived a month, 720 hours, without their dad. We survived, and I hate it. I hate that we have ever been put in this position to survive. Why did I start this blog? It’s a place for me to get my…

  That Widow

  September 13, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, affairs, first month, grief, hurts, kids, lots of feelings, not supposed to be this way, realizations, selfish, surviving, thatwidow, time, why

• Day 26

  Day 26 and as I folded laundry I realized a lot of others things died, not just my husband. His clothes will never be washed and folded by me again, unless one of the boys decided to wear something. I’ll never have another biological baby, it’s always been on my heart to foster/adopt but who…

  That Widow

  September 9, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, clothes, grief, hurts, it all died, just sad, kids, lots of feelings, realizations, thatwidow, unknowingly, weight loss

• Day 25

  Day 25, the house that built me. The song reminds me of him because while he wasn’t a house he did build me from where I was when we met over 12 years ago into who I am now. I also found the original fire stick remote that we had been searching for and ended…

  That Widow

  September 8, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, birthday, built me, hurts, kids, lots of feelings, miss him, tattoo, thatwidow

• Day 20

  Day 20 this morning I heard someone say don’t be afraid of where you are to get to where you want to be. I’ve been emotional today. I’ve missed him a lot today. I’ve wanted to text him a million times today. I’ve wanted to say “hey babe, look at this!” I wanted help with…

  That Widow

  September 3, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, crying, grief, hurts, lots of feelings, miss him, texting, thatwidow

• Day 16

  Day 16 was the first day of school for 3 of the 4 going this year and I just smiled through the tears. A mom walked up to me and asked if I was eating because I was looking real thin. I’m like yep, I’m also still breastfeeding, and chasing my 6 children alone now.…

  That Widow

  August 30, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, alone, banks, breastfeeding, hurts, just sad, kids, thatwidow, time, worth more alive than dead

• Day 11

  On day 11 I feel ignored. Everyone else is just getting on with business as usual and living their best lives and sharing the pictures and I’m supposed to pretend I’m happy. His sisters are sharing “signs from heaven” that they and their children are experiencing and saying are my husband showing that he’s there.…

  That Widow

  August 25, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, crying, hurts, lots of feelings, signs, thatwidow