Tag: just sad

• Day 149

  Day 149 and it’s the picture before and after. I was looking for a screenshot on my phone if the workout challenge I’m in for the month so I’m scrolling through and after I found what I needed and moved on, it hit me. There are so many pictures of me with my boys. Never…

  That Widow

  January 10, 2023

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, come home, grief, hurts, just me, just sad, just starting the incomplete feeling, kids, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, photos, realizations, still gone, surviving, thatwidow, time

• Day 138

  Day 138 and sometimes it is crippling. There are times when this overwhelming, crippling sadness just washes over me. I’ll be watching the kids do something and I’ll smile along but then I’ll think how I wish he was here to see it. That’s when it hits me like a tidal wave that he’s gone…

  That Widow

  December 30, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, crying, grief, hurts, just me, just sad, kids, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, surviving, thatwidow, time

• Day 133

  Day 133 and I ate some emotions. Man o man have I ate some emotions today. I fully accept that I did it. I take ownership that my feelings were overwhelming. I did my workout this morning but I also ate lots of homemade cookies and icing. I enjoyed the sweets and acknowledged that while…

  That Widow

  December 25, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, all for them, can’t breathe, Christmas, consistency, existing, grief, holidays, hurts, just me, just sad, kids, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, some day maybe for me, surviving, thatwidow, weight loss

• Day 129

  Day 129 and that opened a whole can of worms. My sister-in-law was asking about Christmas and if we were coming, short answer no. She then asked if it was because I didn’t want to be around extended family or my mother-in-law because she would be weepy. I said it’s that and so much more.…

  That Widow

  December 21, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, Christmas, grief, hurts, just sad, kids, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, not what you want, suffering, thatwidow, unit, what we need

• Day 118

  Day 118 and I’m going to do it. I made a list of places that I either need to call or go to so that I can get some things handled. I’m terrible when it comes to talking to people, especially a business. I’m just not motivated to speak to others. It’s exhausting navigating social…

  That Widow

  December 10, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, accounts, all the chores, beneficiaries, cemetery, condo, decisions, grief, headstone, hurts, just sad, kids, lives in the ground, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, surviving, thatwidow, time

• Day 44

  Day 44 and I was gutted a few times today. I know it sounds like I’m just whining my way through this and I guess unless you’ve “been here” you don’t get it, and that’s the whole fucking point. I’m here, doing this, typing all of this, for me, for others, for when life fucking…

  That Widow

  September 27, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, comparison, crying, fuck off, grief, hurts, it all died, Jack and Rose, just sad, kids, lives in the ground, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, thatwidow, would have made room

• Day 33

  Day 33 and it’s been a little rough. Last night was by far the hardest night I’ve had since he died. I just could not get myself together. I stood in the shower sobbing and my 2nd and 3rd son were asking if I was sad. It was just a bad night. Tonight I’m working…

  That Widow

  September 16, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, alone, can’t breathe, crying, crying in the shower, first month, grief, hurts, just sad, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, realizations, suffering, thatwidow, time

• Day 32

  Day 32, ahhh college football season is upon us. Just another reminder he’s gone. Typically he would be working at the university for the game and doing special duty. He loved this season. He hated last year when he wasn’t able to work because of his cancer treatments and then preparing for his big surgery.…

  That Widow

  September 15, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, alone, crying, football, fuck off, grief, hurts, just sad, kids, lots of feelings, miss him, not supposed to be this way, pointless, same ending, suffering, thatwidow, time, why

• Day 26

  Day 26 and as I folded laundry I realized a lot of others things died, not just my husband. His clothes will never be washed and folded by me again, unless one of the boys decided to wear something. I’ll never have another biological baby, it’s always been on my heart to foster/adopt but who…

  That Widow

  September 9, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, clothes, grief, hurts, it all died, just sad, kids, lots of feelings, realizations, thatwidow, unknowingly, weight loss

• Day 16

  Day 16 was the first day of school for 3 of the 4 going this year and I just smiled through the tears. A mom walked up to me and asked if I was eating because I was looking real thin. I’m like yep, I’m also still breastfeeding, and chasing my 6 children alone now.…

  That Widow

  August 30, 2022

  Uncategorized

  1 widow, 6 boys, alone, banks, breastfeeding, hurts, just sad, kids, thatwidow, time, worth more alive than dead