Tag: surviving
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Day 64
Day 64 and I wish every decision wasn’t such an internal battle. The new van has arrived and the dealership is ready for me to come look at it and get a price for my current van. I am having this new van custom to what I want. It has everything I want. I am…
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Day 63
Day 63 and I’m struggling with him being free and happy and me being the head of the ship being tossed around the waves. As children were taught heaven is this amazing place where everything is happy and perfect. The person who goes to heaven is made perfect, they have no worries, they’re the happiest…
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Day 62
Day 62 and it’s been 9 weeks, 63 days, 1512 hours since he’s been gone. All 6 are still sick but the school called for me to pick up number 2 because he wouldn’t stop coughing. First let me say I totally get it. No one wants a sick kid in their class however, kids…
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Day 60
Day 60 and he’s been gone for 2 months of forever. I noticed today that no one gives a shit that he’s been gone for 2 months. Why would anyone care? He was MY person. I chose him every day. They were given him as a son and brother but I chose him. I think…
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Day 50
Day 50 and I’m starting to lose the zell for life around me. I’m not looking forward to anything really. I’m not looking forward to the holidays or birthdays, definitely not anniversaries, just nothing. My mother-in-law said yesterday that had I died there would be no way her son could do what I am doing…
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Day 48
Day 48 and it’s been 1,176 hours without you, without my partner, without the father to my babies. Today it feels like you’ve been gone forever but I’m still stuck in the same grief. I look at our kids and what they’re doing and I’m so sad that he’s missing everything. I know he’s still…
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Day 47
Day 47 and it was full of football. All 3 older boys played at the same time…again. That makes at least 4 out of the 5 games they will do that. Ugh! So hard when it’s just me and he can’t be at one while I’m at the other and then switch. We just make…
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Day 41
Day 41 it’s been 6 weeks, 1008 hours, that he’s been gone. It feels like a lifetime already that he’s been gone. I heard the Foo Fighters song Everlong and just the opening of “hello, I’ve waited here for you, everlong”, I imagine my husband saying this to me when we finally get together again.…
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Day 39
Day 39 and I just don’t know…anything. My father-in-law is pushing me for many different things all at once like they’re no big deal. I’m sure to him they aren’t or they’re just things on a checklist to him. To me it means digging through my husband’s things or forcing myself to make decisions that…
That Widow 